


Five Times Luna Acted Wildly Inappropriate and Dean Loved Her For It

by atti (attilatehbun)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Erotica, F/M, Fluff, Heterosexual Sex, Masturbation, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings, The Quidditch Pitch: More Than Two, The Quidditch Pitch: Self Pleasure, Threesome, Threesome or Moresome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-24
Updated: 2008-01-24
Packaged: 2018-10-26 12:30:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10786794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attilatehbun/pseuds/atti
Summary: Infested with Marnalumps - Can I Join You? - Stuff It - Some Spurlies Got Into the Wine - Isn't It Wonderful?Luna/Dean, Luna/Dean/Seamus





	Five Times Luna Acted Wildly Inappropriate and Dean Loved Her For It

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Because **butterfly_kate** is a baaaaaad influence.

**Five Times Luna Acted Wildly Inappropriate and Dean Loved Her For It**

i.  
One night they decide to go out rather than stay in: Luna says "Three Broomsticks?" because it has been a while, and Dean has no objection, so they go.

Arriving. They find the bar mostly empty - it is a Wednesday and most are properly home in their beds - but neither minds. They are here for each other and not for background noise.

But then they see Hagrid and Hagrid sees them, so he invites them to sit and it's only after they've accepted that they realize he is drinking with Filch. Too late, they sit down and Hagrid is soon talking Luna's ears off with tales of Thestrals and Acromantulas. Luna has found the perfect audience for her dreamings about Snorkacks, leaving Dean and Filch to glare at each other over the tops of their lagers.

Filch gets into his cups quickly, or perhaps he was already well on his way before they arrived, and it is not too long before he begins muttering, then ranting about students. He does not remember or care that Dean and Luna were among those hated students not too long before. The bulk of his grievances are clearly expected to elicit sympathy from Hagrid, but Hagrid is now sniffling about his last Blast-Ended Skrewt as Luna pats him gently on the arm, so Dean must supply the appropriate _Mmm-hmm_ s and _Tha's right_ s at Filch's predetermined intervals.

At one passionate ejaculation, Hagrid's attention is finally caught and he replies, winking at Dean, "Those ruddy students, never learn d'they?" Clearly humouring Filch, and Dean and Luna grin to each other.

Filch is, of course, oblivious.

Dean knows Luna will say something long before she does.

Eventually, Luna catches Filch taking a breath in the course of an intricate ramble about the staircases. Rather than humor him and laugh inside, she - gasp - speaks.

"Mr Filch," she says, "have you ever heard of Marnalumps?"

He does try not to be derailed, but even Rosmerta can hear the screeching.

There is a drunken focus, which is to say, none at all. And he does what she is waiting for, he asks.

Luna's eyes are shining as she explains the small yellow insects and the warm, moist places they like to live. They give feelings of tension and ill will to anyone nearby, did he know?

And then: "I only ask, Mr Filch, because it has seemed to me for quite some time that you might well have a group of Marnalumps colonizing your rectum."

Dean also knew before she began that he should expect to hold in a laugh, and manages it.

Until Filch ponders through his haze and asks, "...my whatsum?"

The impromptu beer shower Dean gives him does not improve his mood.

 

ii.  
After Harry, Ron, and Hermione leave, there isn't much to do during the day but draw, or walk about with Luna, or sometimes help Fleur out in the kitchen (which he'd been surprised to discover he wasn't half bad at). At night, there's even less to do, especially now that he's all alone in one of the spare rooms.

He can still draw, of course, or sleep.

He wanks a lot.

He tries to vary it as much as possible, sometimes slow, sometimes hard and fast and desperate. And always telling himself that he is absolutely not not _not_ thinking of Luna when he does.

It's refreshing to not have to hide it. He's rarely had the solitude to enjoy it the way he otherwise might, what with sharing a dormitory, or worrying about his bratty sisters barging in accidentally. Here, no one bothers him once he leaves to go to his room. After the first few nights, he doesn't bother locking the door.

One night he is having a slow, lazy wank, mostly just squeezing the base of his cock and thumbing the head, trying to prevent the naked, stocking-ed witches in his head from dissolving into a naked, stocking-ed Luna. He is in no hurry until the door suddenly opens and he has to scramble to cover his lap with as much of the blanket as he can grab in the space of 3 seconds.

"...Luna! --knocking!" he chokes out.

Before he can stop her, she is sitting on his bed, not six inches away from his blanketed lap, and isn't his erection _far_ too pleased about that.

"Well, if I had knocked, you probably wouldn't have let me in, and since I did rather want to be on _this_ side of your door I didn't ask," she says, "are you masturbating?"

Dean lets out a sound somewhere in between a choke and a gasp and some third sound that isn't either one of those and reflexively jerks to pull the blankets closer around him.

"I thought you might be." She smiles. "Can I join you?"

Dean can do nothing but sit there with his mouth open, though his cock seems to very much like her suggestion.

"You see, I've been thinking about you quite a bit recently, which I suspect is because I like you rather a lot, and since you seem to like me too, I thought it might be fun to do other things besides walking along the cliffs or staring at each other when we each think the other isn't looking."

"Luna- what- I- b- _ohhhh_ " This last, because she suddenly slides her hand down the length of him.

But it is too much; she has surprised him too many times this night and he has no idea how to handle this, so he does the one thing he still knows, the one thing he has been aching to do for ages.

He takes her face in both hands and kisses her, hard, and slowly lowers them both to the bed.

 

iii.  
Luna told Augusta Longbottom to "Stuff it."

It was a move that was not exactly typical for her, but they were all of them so terribly angry on Neville's behalf that they all had _wanted_ to say something.

Luna was simply the only one who dared.

 

iv.  
Seamus is too drunk to Apparate minus the splinching, and Dean has already offered him the couch, so he doesn't see the harm in having a few more with friends.

And Dean doesn't see the harm in having a few more to keep pace with his mate.

And Luna doesn't see the harm, because they are both quite lovely when they are drinking.

And no one but Dean sees the harm in Luna becoming a bit more _touchy_ because Luna wants to be touchy and Seamus doesn't notice, at least not at first.

Dean sees the harm because one moment Luna is chatting away merrily with Seamus, and the next moment she's undone his flies and is messing around in the front of his trousers, all while continuing to chat away merrily with Seamus. He nudges her to get her away, because though he might enjoy that sort of thing, he isn't going to enjoy it much _right now_ with his sodding best mate sitting right over _there_ , so would she please stop fiddling about and get her hands aw-- oh bugger, Seamus has seen.

An "Er" is about all Dean can muster with Seamus's eyes on him and Luna's fingers wrapped around his rapidly hardening cock.

Luna looks from one to the other. "I thought we could have some fun," she says. "I think maybe some Spurlies got into the wine, but even if they didn't, we can still enjoy ourselves."

She swoops in and kisses Dean firmly. Then as quick as she swept in she sweeps out, and over to Seamus, kissing him with equal fervor.

Dean's cock is even harder and he doesn't even get the chance to squawk in protest at seeing his girlfriend thoroughly snogging his best mate because she's not even kissing him anymore, she's giving him a shove and suddenly it's _Dean_ kissing Seamus, and it is better than he might have imagined. Luna's hands snake into the back of both of their pants and Seamus groans into Dean's mouth. Dean pulls away to see Seamus's bright red face. Luna looks at Dean and squeezes his arse, so he slides one hand under the back of her shirt to undo her bra and kisses Seamus again.

The next thing Dean knows they are all on the floor, none of them wearing pants somehow, the coffee table's been knocked on its side and Dean is licking and kneading Luna's breasts as she kisses Seamus with everything she has.

The rest of the night comes in flashes. Like -

His cock slides against Seamus's, stuttering to find a rhythm. Luna is everywhere at once, she kisses Dean, then Seamus, then Dean, then Seamus, her hands adding to the friction and pressure. Dean bites Seamus's collarbone - he and Luna moan simultaneously.

\- and -

Luna bites her lip. Dean is curved, maddeningly tonguing her clit while teasing her taut nipples with his free hand. Luna's thigh is wrapped around Seamus's shoulders, locking him in place. He thrusts with his fingers, in rough tandem with Dean's tongue. Dean sucks Seamus's thumb when it brushes across his lips. Seamus shudders and kisses him.

\- and -

Dean watches Luna's breasts heave as he thrusts up into her. She tightens. Her cries vibrate around Seamus's cock as she comes.

\- and -

Seamus gives him one more stroke while Luna tickles a finger in his arse, and suddenly Dean is coming harder than he ever has in his life.

\- and -

Dean's fingers, his lips, his tongue, they tangle together with Luna's. The two of them move together over Seamus, stroking, licking, kissing each other and kissing him. Dean's teeth scrape over sensitive skin, Luna's quick fingers glide, all working to bring him to completion.

 

They make it into the bedroom at some point, for that is where they wake in a sprawl of limbs and sheets and sun, but Dean never can remember how they got there.

 

v.  
Back at Shell Cottage, back before the beginning (though maybe that was the beginning, itself), when it first started to rain Dean was all in favor of getting back to the cottage as quickly as possible. There was the wood to think of, quite aside from the fact that he didn't particularly fancy getting wet to the bone, not without a wand to dry him.

Luna had other ideas.

The excitement was thrumming off of her; still, she was careful to put her armload of wood down and cover it with her light jacket. Then she jumped gleefully into the rain.

Dean turned to avoid a splash of muddy water as she leapt. Not quite quickly enough, as it turned out.

Luna did not even notice. She flung her arms wide and began dancing around in the rapidly-forming puddles. Mud splashed up her bare legs with every step. Dim light painted her face as she threw her head back and opened her mouth to catch the rain.

Dean looked back over, prepared to be irritated with her, but she was bent backwards, her shirt hiked up so that he could (damn his artist's eyes) see the rainwater pooling in the cleft of her belly button. Her skin was pebbled with gooseflesh.

Dean swallowed.

"Isn't it _wonderful?_ " she said. She spun, grinning at the sky. "I love the rain."

Dean tucked his armload of driftwood into his jacket and smiled into the rain as well.

~*~fin~*~


End file.
